Diana Fletcher

See Ya Later, Stress Creators!

Posted on 09. Apr, 2010 by Diana in Coaching, Health, Life Choices

Please remember that an event, a person, or your surroundings, are not in and of themselves, stressful.
It is our reaction to these events or people that cause the heart to race, the mind to spin and our muscles to tense. (Among many other reactions your body has!)

I would like you to think about a few things as you read the following article:

* You make choices everyday, every minute of every single day.
* What are you choosing? What small annoyances have you been choosing to tolerate?
* What have you convinced yourself? Have you told yourself that you cannot change things? Have you “accepted” that you are stuck, and that there is no getting out/changing events/leaving?

If you can keep these choices in mind as you read my descriptions and strategies, you may find that you start looking at things a different way.

And that can make all the difference in the world.

I would like to address the first of three areas today and give you some ideas for dealing with this in a healthy, life-enhancing manner.

Note: I am breaking this up into a three -part article and will continue in the next ezine.

The first step in making changes is to recognize the areas that you need to make them, and realize that it is your decision whether or not you will continue to deal with them.

The first area is People.

This is the area I get the most questions on, and the typical question goes something like this:
“I already do all the things you suggest. I take care of myself, I exercise, I try to manage my time and give myself breaks….but it is my boss, my co-worker, my husband, my children…..they come in and make me crazy, and throw off my schedule.” Very valid issue to address.

Here’s what you do:

1. Remove.
2. Breathe.
3. Limit.

You need to Remove yourself from the immediate situation if at all possible. Use your manners (!) and excuse yourself from the area. If dealing with a teenager, say you will be right back and leave the room. (They do not like to be walked away from–make sure you tell them you are coming back to continue the discussion.)

Negative co-workers–say that you have something else to do. (More information below on co-workers.)

In the case of the boss, go to step # 2. (Often, numbers 1 and 2 are interchangeable.) Also, in the case of the boss, try to step outside yourself for a moment. By this I mean try to think about the other person. Your boss has a job to do. Whether or not you agree with how he/she is doing it, that is really none of your business. When we take a few seconds to realize that their actions could be the result of stress they are under, we may be more patient. Don’t take everything personally. It is not always about you.

Breathe.You know that when you get stressed, one of the first things that happens is that your breathing begins to get shallower. You need to keep this in mind and immediately counteract the stressors’ impact by taking three deep breaths. I have told you this before, but it always bears repeating: DO NOT be fooled by the simplicity of this!

Slow, deep breathing revitalizes your brain, your cells–every part of your body. It is calming, and has the added benefit of giving you time to think before you speak. (This can prevent further stress–think about it!)

Remember, breathe in slowly and deeply through your nose, and slowly breathe out through your mouth. Empty the air out completely, then repeat. (Three times is ideal.)

Limit. Here is where you need to get the most creative.

You need to start limiting your time with the people who activate your stress reactions.
If they are the people at work, really look at the time you spend interacting.

* Do you stop every morning to complain/gossip/compare notes with a co-worker, then end up feeling annoyed as you start your workday?
* Do you spend every lunch hour talking about work with other employees?
* Do you assume that you have to do everything for family members or it won’t get done?!
* Do you tell yourself that you have to put up with people in your family that suck the energy right out of you?

Stop. There are always choices.

You can stop gossiping and complaining about work. Turn things around–you have a job; do your best. You can choose to look at your work in a positive or negative way.

You can limit your time on the phone with family members. (Did you know that you do not have to answer your phone every time it rings?)

You can get creative in looking for help for elderly family members and other people that you may take care of.
There are always alternatives if you choose to look for them. (There is that word again—choose!)

You have trained people to expect certain behavior from you.
Is that really their fault?
Other people will show more respect for you, when you show more respect for yourself. I want you to repeat this last sentence out loud, changing it slightly:

“Other people will show more respect for me, when I show more respect for myself.”

Another interesting take on other people comes from one of my favorites,
Eknath Easwaran:

“I need the opportunity to deepen my patience.”

Couldn’t we all use more patience?

Free up your energy for fun, and healthy living. Stop wasting time worrying and stressing about the other people in your lives! Take care of you and CHOOSE less stress!

*** Extra Coaching Tips:

1. After finishing a phone conversation that was somewhat stress reducing, take a nice deep breath and brush off every part of your body with your hands. You will be signaling your brain to “get rid of the negative stuff.”
2. Do the silent scream. Excuse yourself, go somewhere private, and scream silently.
3. Move. Do not let the negative energy, the obsessive thinking build up. Move your body even with a few steps from side to side, and this can “move the energy” to a better place.

I will continue this article later, discussing stressors caused by our environment and events.

Treat the Mind Gently….

Posted on 31. Mar, 2010 by Diana in Coaching, Health, Life Choices

Treat the mind gently, patiently, and compassionately. Since it has been allowed free license for so many years, it is not fair to expect it to come round in a day or two.
-Eknath Easwaran

Do you ever try to sit still and do nothing?
Do you find it hard to do?
Do you get all antsy and weird and find yourself jumping up and doing something….anything?

One of the best things we can do for ourselves is to rest periodically throughout the day, but when we are not used to it, there seems to be some freaking out when we try.
The reason I know this, is because I experience this, too.

I sit and meditate, or try to meditate, and I remember every single thing I have to do. I gently bring myself back to my breathing, and the next thing I know, I am planning the next trip I am taking or going over some tasks I want to get done.
But, you know what? It’s ok, because I keep trying and I do benefit from the effort.
I have slowed my breathing, I have rested my body, and I have restored some peace in my world.

I would like to share some suggestions that you may be able to use to find a little peace in your day and in your life.
Take some breaks.
Each minute, once it is spent, is gone. Time is precious and it is not renewable.
Make sure you are stopping to look around and smell the roses.

Oh, and Happy Spring by the way!

Comfort Food & Things That Soothe

Posted on 01. Mar, 2010 by Diana in Coaching, Health, Life Choices

I hope to help you reduce your stress and inspire you to choose healthier lives.
For all of you in other places that have not gotten the snow and the cold, we have set snow records in Pennsylvania.
My attitude? If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.
I guess I mean the snowflakes. I have been out there playing, sledding and shoveling…Also driving and…well, it’s a lot.
After a day out in the snow, shoveling, playing…. you truly need comfort. It’s that time of year. We want comfort!

I know some of my personal clients have been feeling a little frustrated with the weather and such. Even those of you who haven’t experienced snow and cold may be getting a few winter blahs–I am here to help with some strategies…
So read on, and hang in there–Spring is coming!

“When you wake up in the morning, Pooh,” said Piglet at last, “what’s the first thing you say to yourself?”
“What’s for breakfast?” said Pooh.
“What do you say, Piglet?”
“I say, I wonder what’s going to happen exciting today?” said Piglet.
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
“It’s the same thing,” he said.
--A.A. Milne

If there is one thing Pooh knew about, it was comfort. And his idea about breakfast is a good one. Starting out the day with some good, healthy food in you and taking the time to enjoy it, is a wonderful, comforting thing to do for yourself.
If you are not hungry first thing in the morning, plan ahead to take a break after you have been up a couple of hours. Meet a friend for breakfast, or take oatmeal or yogurt and fruit to work with you, and take a breakfast break. Make sure to have some protein in the morning, and a big glass of water. The protein will keep you going longer and the break will help you get your day started in an organized way. Comforting.

Here are other soothing, comforting, and healthy things you can do for yourself:

* Baroque music boosts moods, according to the March issue of Body + Soul magazine. Composers would include Bach, Vivaldi, Scarlatti and Handel. Take a break from your regular music and background noise and try this for a change.
* And speaking of change, another mood booster is to seek novelty. How about some new foods? Take a look in the produce section of your grocery store and try one new thing this week. You may find something exciting.Explore a different area in the library or bookstore. Try some different movies.
* Laugh. A lot.
* In Yoga, “back bends are believed to stimulate your adrenal glands, revving you up,” says Sara Ivanhoe, Health magazine’s yoga columnist. Whether or not you include back bends in your day, take 5-10 minutes every morning to stretch and get in touch with your body. You ask your body to do a lot. Keeping yourself stretched out is a way of saying thank you.
* Make a gratitude list. It is easy to think about what is not going right, but a definite mood booster is to think about all the things that ARE working in your life. Take a few minutes to write these things down, and be grateful. Keep your list with you and try to read it throughout the day.
* Breathe. Before you walk out the door in the morning, before you walk into work, before you make phone calls, three deep breaths. Aaaahhhh….comfort.
* The urge for comfort foods is very real, and you can let yourself indulge if you keep an eye on portion size. Go ahead and have that mac and cheese, but make sure you notice what is truly one portion. Warm up some soup, or better yet, slow down and make some of your own. (Yes, you can take the time. Trust me!) Eat slowly and mindfully, putting down your fork or spoon between bites. Truly savor your food, whatever you choose to eat.
* Dark chocolate is an energy booster. The flavonoids in chocolate that laboratory studies demonstrate to have powerful antioxidants are called flavanols and procyanidins. These two compounds come from the flavonoid “family” that includes resveratrol, found in grape juice, and EGCG, found in green tea. When people consume these substances in chocolate and cocoa, the antioxidant status of their blood increases. A few other foods that have flavanols are red wine, broccoli, blueberries and onions.
* There are many hot chocolates available. If you are watching the calories, there are some low calorie versions out there for you, too. Now that’s a winter comfort!
* Walk. I know it may be cold but this can boost your energy and mood. Even if you feel tired when you start out, it will give you energy in the long run.
* Turn off the television. I know you can find something else to do. Get your brain thinking in a different direction. A positive, healthy direction.

Retreat! This Could be Just the Thing to Set Goals & Get That Momentum Going!

Posted on 16. Feb, 2010 by Diana in Uncategorized

Retreat!

Sometimes we need to go away.
Did you ever notice how hard it can be to change habits or develop new habits, when the same old, same old, is around?

Did you ever try to think about what you want in your life and really concentrate on changes you would like to make, and you keep getting interrupted?

“I can’t even finish a thought!” you find yourself saying in frustration.

If you know what I am talking about here, and you are nodding your head in agreement, then you need to go away.

A retreat can be for an hour, or it can be for a weekend.

If you have young children, it is very important to have retreats. That you love your children dearly is not the point. No one benefits from being together constantly.

You can arrange for babysitters and actually leave the house for a walk or a quiet cup of coffee somewhere. You can employ a mother’s helper to play with your children, while you retreat to your bedroom and do some stretches, or lie down to rest.

You will benefit from a walk in the evening, to think, and let your thoughts drift as you walk.

A retreat can be lunch by yourself with a book, instead of going out with everyone from work, yet again, to rehash office politics.

A retreat can be a movie by yourself, or a bookstore outing.

When we let our mind be refreshed with new images and thoughts, it starts to work with possibilities, and “what ifs.”

There are structured retreats and resorts that offer packages, if you can take the time. (If we try hard enough, and make it a priority, we can take the time.)

There are Hiking retreats, Yoga retreats, Spiritual Retreats. Search the internet and see what interests you.

Years ago, I did a Survival Weekend in the woods, and it was a great retreat. It was not restful, but I needed a change of scenery, and I was eager to learn new skills. That was the kind of retreat I needed at that time.
Different retreats for different times in our lives.

Do not consider yourself so indispensable that you cannot leave your life or situation for a couple days here and there.

Since my children have been very young, I take a weekend a year to go back up to Michigan to spend the time doing whatever I want. I shop with my sisters, laugh, read, visit friends, and eat when I want, whatever I want. I am not tied to anyone’s schedule but my own. This was not easy to do when the children were very young. Luckily, I have a wonderful husband who stepped into my shoes and took over.
I came back refreshed and though the relief on his face was unmistakable when I walked back through the door, we both knew it was worth it.

My husband takes a golf outing every winter. This is not always easy for him to arrange. He has to make sure everything can continue without him at work, and we have to make sure we have all bases covered at home. But, the pleasure and the relaxation he derives from his retreat, gets him through the rest of our cold, Pittsburgh winters!

We both have other trips we take, and now that the children are older, it is easier for us to arrange to be away. We try to go on trips together when the opportunity arises, or when we can create the opportunity.

You may miss your children and your partner while you are away, but remember that you need distance sometimes to realize the importance of people and situations in your life.

Being away from the same old haunts and breaking up your routine, lets you look at life from a new perspective, outside yourself and your fatigue.

A couple days of sleeping in, and changing your schedule, and you start seeing your life and your daily routines differently. You think, “Hey, why do I put up with that? Why don’t I eat better? Why can’t I change this? Why wouldn’t this or that work…?”

It is helpful to keep some notes when you retreat.

Jotting down thoughts and feelings as you experience them instead of hoping you remember your brilliant thoughts on that hike, is a good way to bring the benefits home.

Thinking about your thoughts and feeling while you were away can help you make changes.

You may think, “How could I feel like that in my daily life?” and you come up with an idea for a breather during your work day.

You remember a great meal you had, and you think, “I could make that for myself on the weekend!”

Retreating can help you gain perspective, get new ideas, and relieve you of unrelenting work and pressure.

Try it. Go away.

“Adventure must start with running away from home.”
-William Bolitho

5 Steps to Implement TODAY to Make a Change

Posted on 11. Feb, 2010 by Diana in Uncategorized

This week I would like you to think about something.
Why do we make changes such a big deal? Do you find yourself doing that?

Why do we drive ourselves crazy thinking there is something wrong with us when we cannot stick to a plan or achieve goals that we really desire in our lives?
I think it may be becoming part of our nature to want to complicate things. Really. Maybe it wasn’t always this way, but somewhere along the line, we decided that things were complicated and that everything was always going to be hard and that is just the way it is.
But what if it doesn’t have to be that way?

What if everything you want to achieve could be broken down into simple, manageable steps. Everything.
I think it can. I came up with 5 steps that you can implement today to make a healthy, stress-reducing change in your life. Start with one change that you want to make.

Here is how you can get results.
1. Make the change a priority. Decide and choose to make this goal, this decision, this choice, the most important thing in your life. If you are already thinking, “but it can’t be, I have other things…” and so on…you are not ready for achieving your goal and you can stop reading.
2. Schedule quiet time for planning every single day. This should be at the least 15 minutes and could go as long as an hour.
3. Be prepared to make reasonable, logical, and manageable lists toward achieving your goals. Cross one thing off each day. It can be a small thing, it can be large, but you must do one thing each day toward achieving your goal.
4. Be prepared to use affirmations. Allow time for affirmations, and decide that you will use them everyday. You can find lists of affirmations many places. The absolute best are from Louise Hay. If you don’t know who she is, find out and read her affirmations. You must stop any negative thoughts.
5. Find support. There are coaches, and there are groups online and in person. Do some research and find someone or a group to support you and hold you accountable. You need to have to report your progress to someone else and have someone to cheer you on.

These are the steps to achieving your goals. Do not be fooled by the simplicity. (I know you have heard me say that before!)
It isn’t complicated.
It may not always be easy, but if you truly want to make a change, then do it.
Stop making it a big deal!
Wouldn’t success feel great?
I will be expanding on all these points and more, Thursday, February 11th, during my Free teleclass.
If you would like to know more about how to implement these steps in your own life, please don’t wait–sign up for my Thursday night teleclass right now!
The class is recorded so if you cannot call in Thursday at 7:00pm, you can listen later.
It is going to be a great call and I am really excited about the information I will be sharing.
Don’t wait to make the changes.
Let me give you the help you need!
www.dianafletcher.com/events/teleclasses